With all of this debate about gay marriage, we as Americans, and particularly Black people, need to really re-examine and perhaps respect traditional marriage. I mean, I'm all for a fight. But since traditional marriage seems to be so important for the have's, especially Black have's, let's remind ourselves of what traditional marriage actually means. Maybe we really do need to preserve it. Hell, I could be wrong...
"...These two services are often cited because the right to education and the right to choose one's employment are commonly thought of as the two most important rights that were denied to slaves. However, the cruelest aspect of slavery may have been the denial of a slave's right to a secure family structure.
Current social theorists emphasize strong family relationships as being paramount for an individual's emotional and mental health. (Owens 191-192) A stable nuclear family was almost impossible to maintain under slavery. Marriage between slaves was not legally recognized. Slaves requested permission from their masters to be allowed to marry and the recognition of the union only came from within the slave community. The slave marriage ceremony, if one was held at all, varied from the couple jumping over a broomstick together to exchanging vows in front of a white minister. Whatever the nature of the wedding ceremony, slave marriages ultimately depended on the will of the masters. Some slaves were forced into "marriage" for breeding purposes. (King 64, Owens 93, Unwritten 1) Husbands, wives, and children were often separated when sold. To many whites, the slave family consisted of transient members who could be easily exchanged emotionally by the slave as they could physically by the master. Because of this, slaves obtained a reputation among whites as being immoral and devoid of family values. (Owens 193)"
--Valley of the Shadow Project at the University of Virginia
http://valley.vcdh.virginia.edu/HIUS403/freedmen/fs/intro.html
Sounds so familiar:
- Marriage between ___________ was not legally recognized.
- To many _______, the ______ family consisted of transient members who could be easily exchanged emotionally.
- Because of this, ________ obtained a reputation among _______ as being immoral and devoid of family values.
An account of marriage by Mary Reynolds who was once enslaved:
"After while I was taken a notion to marry, and Massa and Missy marries us same as all the niggers. They stands inside the house with a broom held crosswise of the door, and we stands outside. Missy puts a li'l wreath on my head they kept there, and we steps over the broom into the the house. Now, that's all they was to the marryin'. After freedom I gits married and has it put in the book by a preacher."
So, go jump your pretty lace-covered broom, share your rose-colored views about the tradition of marriage, and enjoy that that you believe to be your god-given right. If it ain't broke for you, don't fix it. Freedom in this country has long be fought for by a minority and won without the sweat and tears of those unwilling to disturb their comfortable peace, and I am not worried. The stumbles on our path don't upset me. I see the future. Twenty years from now, after the battles have been won and the war has ended and soldiers on both sides have settled down, I see millions telling tall tales about what side of the fence they were on, afraid to look cowardly or bigoted in the eyes of a purer generation.
As a child I looked at the angry faces in pictures from the days of the civil rights movement and wondered where did these people settle in to? These people who fought so hard to preserve their way of life and to deny very simple rights to a group of people they felt were so unlike them, they were clearly walking amongst us without a sign or a patch to distinguish them. In polite company, nothing distinguishes them so I can't ask, "What do you think now? How does this equality you were so scared of, how does it feel now? Does it hurt as much as you thought it would? Did the initial sting bite but the pain subside?"
But it's just curiosity fueled by the knowledge that as polite as we are to each other now, many of our gracious neighbors once proudly and publicly embraced more selfish thoughts. So as hard as it is for many of us to take losses graciously, I personally don't worry. The day of the Prop 8 ruling I walked around with Dr. King's voice ringing in my head. Lines about the promise land. Even if I don't personally see the day when my right is legally my right, I know that day is coming. Don't be angry. Don't be complacent. Settle in on the right side of the fence now and have faith. Breathe. It really will be ok.
