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Laini Madhabuti

 

 

 

 

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Laini Madhabuti

 

 

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hinged: a central point or principle on which everything depends

if your
self-love
stability
comfort
strength
identity
comfort
or comfort lies in your complete understanding of me, who i am, why i am, and why i am not like you...then your sanity is in peril.

if your sanity is threatened, you are liable to do insane things.

it is an insane act to publicly, and even privately, humiliate a person because you think she looks strange. it is an insane act to humiliate someone because you think her strength is TOO MUCH FOR A WOMAN. because let's be clear, the initial inquiry into the biological gender of ms. caster semenya was a sexist act. in my humble and loud opinion, all women need to be completely insulted. with the initial inquiry you were told that you could not be that strong. any person that strong must be male. it doesn't even sound strange when i say it. and that is the problem. and now this woman is reportedly undergoing counseling and is under suicide watch? some powerful heads need to be hanging low in horror at what they set in motion. not one person alive fits into the original mold of who we were supposed to be. it's entirely too restrictive. besides, there are too many different minds configuring that mold.

any one of us could be caster. i know i'm different. i know i make many uncomfortable. icing on the cake is that i don't give a fuck. i mean, i'll sit down and talk to you. i don't hate you and i don't resent your curiosity. i swear i'll try to make you understand how i am different from you and how valid my experience is. but if you can't accept that there are things you just don't know, that you need to be told, then it's your work to make sure your comfort is not hinged to my submission. cuz good luck to you (and often good luck to us all) if it is. uncomfortable people are capable of insane things. with a touch of gall they can humiliate, they can assault, they can murder, they can rape.

the issue many don't understand is that i do not make you. and you do not make me. if you fail, it is not because i made gains. your understanding of our differences is not your biggest problem in the world. it will not cure all that ails you. it is not cause or permission for you to grant or invalidate my right to be who i am. it is not cause for you to disrupt my life. who i am cannot shift according to your desire, so it is not defiance toward you. my identity does not shift according to your need for comfort and understanding, so your comfort cannot sit attached to me.

often we put too much stock in understanding our differences. gasp! what kinda radical black lezzie am i?? understanding is enlightening. it feels good. but first, to shield our self and our fellow man from the power of our ego, we need to acknowledge that we will not understand every difference or explanation, and that ignorance should never threaten our sanity.