please don't push.

in the dark empty corners, where my true self cowers, i miss being simply a child. i want to take lessons without the threat of shame for not being THE SHIT. i want to feel you out without feeling you up. i want to feel you up without losing. i never learned to love without pride. never learned to to give emotion over blindly. i never learned how to plant your pain and wait patiently to see what grows. i've mastered a stiff back and indignation. try to get one over on me. sigh. insecurity masks itself as perfection everyday. that's not my life's ambition. i don't strive towards "amazing." i just want to learn what you like. am i moved? i want to dip my toe in without being pushed. i want to fuck up without shame and feel that at that moment, despite all, i know more. i drive slow, veering into in the left lane, and i hear the horns. inspiration is a dangerous thing for a practical gal like me.