the walking wounded

it's taxing work to take life as it comes and accept the indisputable fact that things happen because they are supposed to. there's fate and there's faith. we play our role in this drama driven by emotion, desire, will and thought, but ultimately there's fate standing in the background, strong and confident. i feel like the only way to make it through this game is to just have faith. emotions can wrack your body and leave you raw and spent. faith heals hurt, disappointment, rejection, lonliness and it eases a wandering mind. it is soothing like aloe.
the sagittarian tongue is stronger than the heart it protects.

my heart is shielded well.

but in order to keep going, smiles and dreams in tact, i must have faith that i'm ok, not for all, not for one, but a select few. i fit somewhere. someone is looking for me. my flaws are clear and present. like ugly scars they will soon fade. no salve quickens the process. i am who i am, but not what some see.

and then there is the fickle heart and the overactive mind.

my ex-stalker once told me that one day someone that i wanted would not want me back. i told him that i've always known that. that's life. then i told him to stop calling me at 4:00 in the fucking morning.

i may never know why she didn't call. she may not be interested. she may be hella busy, just wishing for more time. curious eyes and smiling voices don't tell the whole story. what is supposed to happen happens. i have to have faith that things will work out, not in the way that i want, but in the way that i need. and faith eases the discomfort of patience.

for the first time, out there.

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sometimes when i'm lonely,
don't know why,
keep thinkin' i won't be lonely,
by and by
::langston hughes::